Very recently the President of the United States announced his new semi-secret policy of Notboots on the Ground, in a country where initials are Syria-More-Or-Less. Maybe that was "Boots on the Not ground," but why quibble over small stuff? Further, and more important, but not much less vague, was his codil that no US notboots would be stationed on the front lines. Who's to say what this front-line parameter looks like? Enter the Front Lines Measuring Drones!
This specialized and talented drone uses global positioning science to measure the distance from the theoretically calculated enemy front line trace (Echo Foxtrot Lima Tango – EFLT – to those in the know) to individual points of US uniform locations – friendly-forces soldiers (FFLAT) . In micro-lighting-seconds the drone's computer will analyze and adjust data in real time on the notboots on the ground, then issue detailed orders complete with probabilities of success, and percent error spreads. These will be communicated to every US uniform point with a GPS, transmitted in 30 second intervals. US uniform points will be ordered to stay, or to move in a direction and distance given in meters ("vector of advance," to those who will hear this and be in the know, in the future). Every uniform point, therefore, will receive continuous e-orders to keep the Not-At-Front-Lines distance steady. Deluxe drone models in future will also be able to take square roots and send dietary advice, at very low annual taxpayer cost.
Clearly a smart National Executive realizes that even very good computer algorithms can be hacked by a smart enemy. The enemy will constantly be looking for weaknesses in the programming, and searching for countermeasures. For this reason, the National Executive Headquarters will conduct periodic seminars during which lessons-learned situations will be presented, and parameters adjusted. Immediately thereafter, a seminar will be connected to discuss what the heck the term "parameter" means.
Of course, there's always that junior lieutenant graduate of University of Kansas ROTC, a top-line computer genius to boot (on the ground), who just has to raise his hand with an intelligent side question. "Uh, sir, what about when a small number of Echos make it past the Foxtrot Lima Tango and heading at some speed toward friendly forces.
Deputy Director Major Charles Barkbones then grabs the microphone, delivering an even reply, "Any Mike Foxtrot heading towards our Foxtrot Lima Tango will get their day permanently destroyed within zero-two minutes by mixed ordnance fire from the first five drones within …"
Director (name withheld by DIA) snatches the mic from his deputy, and smoothly concludes the discussion, "Thank you. Chuck will be continuing the tactical briefing in two hours, room TBD."
At this point we must say that research on this important military defensive device continues. Some reliable sources report that the software for this marvel is being developed by Donald Henry Rumsfeld, Product Development and Deployment President of Zones & Drones R Us . The politics should be lively.